I was watching porn with lil' baby jesus and suddenly I was jolted out of my joy when that pint sized holy fuck changed the channel to golf.
"Are you shittin me Baby J? I'm watchin some Asian chick give a premium bj in HD and you turn to golf?"
He sucked on a Cheeto. "Relax homeslice, I just want to see what all the Tiger Woods fuss is about."
"What the fuck is there to know about Jesus? He's a dumb shit who got married like a moron and then cheated on his wife with a hundred or so skanks."
Baby J shook his adorable pudgy head. "I don't know why people are judgin him so harshly bro...I mean I had my fun too you know."
I rolled my eyes cause I knew that immortal motherfucker had a tendency to tell some whoppers. "You Jesus? I always took you for a bit of a pussy. I mean weren't you a virgin like your mom?"
He tried to hit me with a Cheeto but I was ready for that weak ass move and batted it away.
"Virgin my diaper covered ass man. I was all up in that Holy Land puss-ay. It's in the bible chump."
"What? You just dicked around with lepers and shit. I don't remember reading about you tag teaming some belly dancers."
"Mary Magdelane ring a bell?"
"That ho? According to the bible she just washed your feet when she wasn't busy blowing half the rabbis and centurions in Jerusalem."
He shook his head. "Man 'washing feet' is a biblical euphemism for rimjob. Bitch cleaned my ass out like it was her last supper."
I got up to take a piss. "Bullshit."
He shrugged, "Whatever man. All I'm sayin is that if I, the lord and savior of your sorry Jersey Shore watchin asses, can fool around with sluts, everyone should lay off that phony poonhound Tiger's back, even if he has horrid taste in broads."
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