So some guy who stole John Mellancamp's nickname recommended a little Whit Stillman flick called Metropolitan, and I had the great displeasure of watching it.
I remember when that movie came out thinking, "Who the fuck would want to see a movie about a bunch of rich pantywaists dicking around hoity toity parties with a lot of senseless jibber jabber?"
Word of advice to all the ladies out there...if you're going to be boring, spoiled and stupid...at least be good looking...if you combine ugly with dull, do the world a favor and find a nice black hole to get sucked into. Children should be seen and not heard, and unattractive broads should be neither.
Thankfully I was able to wipe that stain from my mind by going to see Tropic Thunder, which had psychotic babies and explosions, two things long missing from American cinema.
Loved the scene on the bridge where the little baby repeatedly stabs Stiller in the back, and then pouts on the riverbank. Orson Welles can take his rosebud bullshit and go fuck himself, cause that scene is far more enjoyable than anything that obese ass clown ever regurgitated onto the screen.
Baby Jesus knows I love my g Owen Wilson but perhaps his suicide attempt was a good thing after all cause my laid back motherfucker Mconaghey does a nice job with the role of super agent, and I'll always find the ugly Steve Coogan being blown to bits enjoyable.
In an aside it's also nice to see Simon Pegg dissing Ricky Gervais for being fat and stupid.
You take him down a peg or two Pegg! You little limey bastard!
I also saw Religulous, which was nice though Bill Mahrer can be rather tough to look at, like licking dried pigeon shit off a statue's rusted balls.
It helps to see that flick in a crowded theater, and to observe groups laughing uproariously when one faith is mocked, only to fall silent when the ridicule targets theirs. Be sure to laugh extra hard at those parts, and throw raisinettes liberally to punctuate the hilarity.
Sadly all was not awesome in the darkened world of theater going, and I had to pull my pants up in disgust after wasting a few moments watching...
Lars and the Real Girl...now i can swallow some retarded guy in the god forsaken frozen north buying a rubber woman to keep him company on those long cold nights...but how in the fuck did the film makers expect me to believe that said retard would be the object of pursuit by regular women?
Cat is either a full blown spazz or incredibly stupid, and yet when he's at church some dingbat is trying to set him up with some chick. Maybe this chick was bent askew too so I'll cut them some slack, but next thing we see is stupid chief showing up to his job, (and just how does a half catatonic moron like that idiot hold down a white collar job anyway?), and some mousy broad is at his cubicle trying in vain to get his attention.
Not only is he slow and dull and mildly retarded at best, and absolutely fucking nuts at worst, he's greasy haired and slovenly. Maybe in Russia those sluts go for guys like that, but in the USA I don't know too many retarded slobs who have to beat off the broads with their mouse pads. Hot shot doesn't even acknowledge the girl when she suggests they car pool, and instead blows past her, prompting the office wag to mock her for coming on too strong.
Where is the office wit mocking her for pursuing a guy who is dirty and PLAINLY RETARDED! "Hey Susie, I know you haven't had a boyfriend in awhile, but um, you're aware that Lars is kind of...umm...psychotic?"
So I ejected that crap and won't dare watch it again.
Thankfully Transporter 3 is on the way and baby jesus has seen fit to reward my awesomeness with a double dose of Statham and Seann William Scott in November! Truly we have something to be thankful for, and if there is a god, which there isn't, but if there is, and I make it to heaven, I will thank him for Crank, and the Transporter series, and Seann William Scott's performance in Old School, before I douse his cloud in gasoline and set him and his faggy coterie of angels on fire.
Really god? This world is the best you could come up with? Take your harp and go fuck yourself you inept sack of shit.
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