Baby Jesus Interviews DJ AM
Baby Jesus adjusts his diaper and then fixes his gaze on DJ AM:
"So DJ AM, dickish name by the way, what have you got to say for yourself?"
DJ AM shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
"What do you mean?" Looks around nervously. "I don't even know why I'm here."
"You're here to be fucking interviewed. I know talking intelligently might be harder for you then pressing play and holding a headphone to your tiny head, but try and spit something halfway decent out when I waste my time and deign to talk to you. OK fuckface?"
DJ AM nods. "Uh sure. I guess."
"Look shithead, we can at least agree you're talentless, and an obvious douchebag, and yet still somehow I gave you fame and fortune.."
DJ AM interrupts Baby Jesus. "Uh what? No. Wait. Umm I'm not agreeing to that. I'm uh, not a douchebag."
"Hey, fucko. This isn't a debate. You have no talent and you're obviously a dick. You want to get into semantics about whether you're more of a dick than a douchebag, save that for Seacrest. We'll just agree you're 9/10ths an asshole and a total fucking tool. How bout that?"
DJ AM looks around uncomfortably. "I don't know if I want to do this. I mean I'm not. How did I even get here? Did my plane crash again?"
"One: fuck you. Two: I give you fame and fortune, and you parlay that into an engagement with Nicole Richie. Really asshole? I'm gonna grow up and get crucified for you fuckheads and you repay my largess and sacrifice by getting engaged to some dopey broad who weighs 75 pounds?"
"What? Not cool man? Is this heaven? That's not very nice if we're in heaven."
"Holy shit you are a clown. You think I'm gonna let your sorry ass stink up heaven? Enjoy this life Captain Cumstain, cause you ain't getting a whiff of paradise, you anorexic-fucking no talent cunthead."
"Fuck man. You got a mouth on you. Did my agent set this up?"
"Motherfucker this interview is over."
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