Baby Jesus and me were watching tv when I asked him why he was such a front runner.
He pulled the formula bottle from his mouth and a little of it dribbled on his chin in the cutest way. "What the fuck did you just say to me?"
I wasn't intimidated by Baby Jesus cause he has pudgy little legs and I never take fat people seriously. "Your perfect little ears deaf Baby Jesus? You're a front runner!"
"What makes you say that? Aside from being a dick I mean."
"Well how come every time I watch sports, the winning athlete thanks you? Why are you playing favorites?"
"One, you're a douchebag. Two, I don't help teams. You think I give a diaper rash about some redneck driving in a circle for 3 hours or some roided up jerk off hitting home runs?"
"You mean you don't love Tim Tebow as much as he loves you?"
Baby Jesus pulled his little perfect dick out and pissed right there on the floor. "You take a thimble full of average run of the mill piss. Not that my piss is average of course...but anyway. See that piss? That's how much I care about Tim Tebow. That stupid fucker better enjoy college, cause last time I checked slow stupid weak armed dickheads don't last very long at QB in the NFL."
"He seems rather fond of you."
"That hick didn't want to be named to the Playboy All-American team cause he thought it immoral or something? What bible did this faggot read? Where in the Gospel does it say that Baby Jesus doesn't like pussy?"
"Is it in Luke?" I offered, unhelpfully.
"I think I'm gonna make him lose next year, and afterwards I'm going to force him to say on camera, "Baby Jesus spurned me cause I act like I'm above hot chicks with big fake tits. That's why I threw 3 interceptions and fumbled twice. Cause my stupidity and arrogance is an affront to god".
"That would be one stupid dope mad crazy post game press conference baby Jesus."
He gave me a little pudgy fist bump, which he patented.
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