Hola Muchachos!
Could a day pass without my mentioning Vanity? I guess not.
Is it 1984? Why don't you shut the fuck up!
Stop reading this and go watch Tanya's Island, just about the best movie ever made, or at least the best movie about a beautiful woman and the love triangle between her, her A-Hole with a capital A boyfriend, and an ape, played by Corey Feldman.
Ok the Corey Feldman part was a lie, but the rest of that sentence was true.
And to think people waste their time on this globe reading crap like the bible when they could be watching Vanity and her jerk boyfriend on a tropical paradise.
Dear Vanity just wants to ride her pony and drink coconut milk while wearing not very much clothing, and by god what more could one want out of life than that?
Unfortunately for her she befriends this blue eyed ape...perhaps it's even a gorilla...what do I look like a zoologist?
So of course A-hole McGee her boyfriend gets all jealous cause she is spending way too much time with this monkey.
Naturally he locks her in a bamboo cage and rapes her while the ape watches.
This of course causes aforementioned monkey to go ape shit, literal like, and he bombards the dude with coconuts.
Vanity is quite upset at all this.
When the gorilla busts in and starts brawling with Captain Douchebag, Vanity reasons that they are both kind of alpha male jerks and she wants no part of either of them, and sets off into the jungle to find some cool guy who writes blogs or something.
She doesn't get too far however, cause the angry ape tracks her tawny ass down and knocks her to the sand.
Does he give her a stern talking to?
No, he can't speak, he's a gorilla.
He does rape her though.
In summation: she is bombarded by coconuts and raped by the only two males, one of whom is a gorilla, on her tropical paradise. Bad week for Vanity!
3 comments:
So I was just tooling around myspace, looking at the comments that folks leave each other, normally stuff like "Hey dude, I haven't seen you since we left you in Toronto in September - when are u back in NYC?"
But, shockingly, some mysterious stranger, right there in the real Cordell's comment section, left a note recommending this film to Allen specifically and the comment-reading public in general! He said that Allen should "buy Tanya's Isalnd immediately" (or something to that effect - what am I, a stenographer?)
Anyway, I had never heard of this fine film before last week and now the recommendations are coming at me as fast and furious as Paul Walker's abs.
I always said all Harry and the Hendersons or Link (the killer gorilla-butler movie) needed was a scantily clad Vanity. Turns out they couldn't do that because they had already ripped off this fine film, and that would be the one thing that would make it obvious.
Where did you find a copy? Don't tell me it's on dvd? Holy shit it is! No wonder you wanted to join netflix.
Also, why didn't you title this blog "Apes and Rapes?"
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