Baby Jesus and Me Watchin TV

So Baby Jesus and me were hanging out the other day, nothing too formal, just some corn chips on the couch and flippin channels when Jesus sort of ga ga goo goos and then says, "Dr. Pepper tastes kind of funky dude."

I thought it was an odd thing to say since we were both sipping on espressos I had whipped up and there was nary a Dr. P in sight. But it's Jesus so I'm a little hesitant to say, "What the fuck are you talking about? You some kind of fucking retard baby?"

And he sort of fiddles with his diaper and says, "Did you know Dr Pepper was sued for malpractice, and was so distraught he attempted to kill himself with homemade poison, but instead of dying he just got dizzy, and used pretty much the same recipe to make the drink that now bears his name?"

"Is that true?"

Jesus just laughed and said, "Naww...I'm fucking with you."

But he's Jesus so he can get away with stuff like that. So I just take the remote from him with a sneer and flip to The Nanny, and when I see Fran Drescher I say to baby Jesus..."Ohh I hope she becomes Senator, cause then I can say I jerked off to a Senator one time."

And Jesus says, "What about Patricia Heaton? If she became a Senator too they would have some hot Milf battles in the Senate."

Of course I gave Baby Jesus a little fist bump for that one, cause I'm thinking that's a pretty fucking sweet idea. "I'd watch C-Span to see that little cat fight Jesus."

"You know Heaton's tits are fake?"

"Course I know that Jesus, you don't need to be a god to know those perky sweet sugar drops are artificial."

Then Top Chef came on, and Padma had her hair in braids, so I was all like, "Shut the fuck up Jesus! I love it when she's in braids."

And Baby Jesus is pretty chill, so he shut his fucking mouth and sipped on his espresso.